Parenting in the Real World

Some unseen, unknown, all-knowing being, or force, or whatever of the more than 3,000 deities you believe in apparently thinks it's comical to give you the biological equipment for the ultimate human pleasure, and punish you with a ball and chain that will stand in the way of you getting any physical pleasure for the next twenty years. Supposedly, He's smart enough to create life, a functional planet, and a universe. But He purposely forgets to leave a manual? Look, I'm a man of the cloth, and even I think that's ridiculous. As a two-time father with stepchildren, Olivia Black's sarcasm is well deserved. According to the unwritten manual we civilized humans have devised over the past 40,000 years, parenting is viewed as one of those normal life events all of us are supposed to experience. You grow up, you get married, you land a job you may despise, and then you have children. Eventually, your kids grow up, you get old, and return to the dirt from which you came. That's the master plan. Many of us believe this entire world is temporary pass-through, or perhaps a test, for a glorious afterlife. In my humble upbringing, I was raised to think that I was meant to be poor, parenting was a punishment for something I couldn't possibly comprehend, and that's why so many folks were alcoholics. Sorry to cast such a negative dispersion on parenting, but that's how modern society tends to view it. Long story short, after about three decades of having sex, I ended up with a son that's definitely mine, and a grown daughter whose mother has told me on several occasions she may not actually be my daughter. I think I'm a pretty good father, considering I didn't have much to go on. If you still have got half a brain that hasn't been overrun with fluoride poisoning, you're probably beginning to get a little nervous. Soon, you too will be asking yourself the same question I ask myself each and every day - "How the hell am I supposed to raise a child in this environment?" No worries, because Olivia Black has it all figured out. She's one of the brightest people I know. If anyone can guide you through raising a perfect child, it's Olivia. So sit back, and throw back a cold one - you're going to need it - and join her on this wildlife adventure called parenthood. You're stuck now, so you may as well make the most of it. It's fun. It's confusing. It's thankless. It's rewarding. It sucks. It's wonderful. It's punitive. It's cognizant. It's ridiculous. Parenting is a bunch of things. The one thing it ain't -- is reversible.